lately,
i've been having nightmares. that wake me up in the middle of the night and render me unable to fall back asleep. sometimes i wake up crying.

my boyfriend is wonderful at comforting me and helping me fall back asleep. but he's not here tonight. and i'm scared to fall asleep.

so i got my hair cut..it's awesome. but i'm still trying to figure how to work it.



i need a holiday.

what i don't understand is that at random points during the day, i get the sudden urge to burst into tears, even when i'm in a good mood/something good is happening to me.

i want to feel that feeling of falling in love again.

i am.




plan on getting that tattooed on my inner arm as a reminder to be everything that i am, and more. it also the key word of the aries and i'm proud to be an aries (already have one aries tattoo).

all i want to do is share my good days and good news with the man that i love.

but it's kinda hard when he shuts me out all the time.

i need to learn how to appreciate what i've got and stop lusting over things that are financially impossible for me to obtain.


horses. why must it be such a frustrating sport and career to get involved with?

you have to be well-off in order to succeed and to start somewhere.

you won't get anywhere if you don't have any money.


and i think i have to accept that now, after 11 years of trying.

i wrote a really long post today on my phone. but it got deleted.

oh well.

i'm alive.

not entirely well,

but i am breathing.